Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
two words...techno handjob
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
