I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
