we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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