i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
