I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
