I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
