Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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