I wish I only lived at night.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
