im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
