i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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