Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
