Nicole vs. Life
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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