Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
