I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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