Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
