Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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