thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
