we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't deserve a penis
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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