And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
