it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
