I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
