You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
