when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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