woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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