you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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