We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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