I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
