In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
