just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
