i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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