we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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