I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
