I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
