if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yo dont text me then not text me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
