Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love having hate sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
