Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
