I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
