Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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