I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
