we're blogging at a bar
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
