I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
