There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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