Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Someone shit on the floor
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
