Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
