My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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