If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
