After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
