I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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