see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
