god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
