the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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