he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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