oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
