Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
